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Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Made
Rick
Lately
Obama
President
Running
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Many
Perry
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Biden

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John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.
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Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'
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Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy's mind.
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Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at least it's giving him a chance to learn the names of all the states.
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Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
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Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress.
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The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
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Gas stations are considering hiring security guards. Why are they getting security guards? We're the ones getting robbed.
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A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.
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I am not just another notch on your belt? she asked him. Of course not. he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard.
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It's always bad news when you kill your date
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The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider.
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The worst thing about losing this job: I’m no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare.
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According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.
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Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.
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According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex. The other 37% of the men said they would never want to get into an argument with those men.
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President Obama flew to a rally in Las Vegas last night. However, he did not visit any of the casinos. You know why? When you're $16 trillion in debt, they don't let you in.
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People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans.
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Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine, worthless Treasury bonds.
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Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.
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