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Is it me or is President Bush's life starting to sound like a country song. He's from Texas, his dog just died, and it looks like he might lose his job. Next thing, his truck is going to break down.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
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New Rochelle
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James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno
The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
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Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico.
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According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.
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The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.
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It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.
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A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got suspicious when they saw guys going to work out at a Zumba dance studio.
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John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.
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According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.
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The Sacramento Bee is reporting that Arnold Schwarzenegger is not going to run for governor. You know what would be better? Arnold should do what he does in the Terminator movies. He should go back in time and prevent Gray Davis from ever being born. That way you wouldn't have the problem.
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I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff didn't know, I was shocked as everyone else. If he doesn't get elected governor, maybe he should work for the CIA. I mean, he can keep a secret better than they can.
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Here's the latest from the Pentagon -- the generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to fight a war on two fronts Afghanistan and Fox News.
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President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.
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In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
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The nation's largest savings and loan, Washington Mutual, has become the biggest bank failure in history. See, the problem with the savings and loans? Not enough savings, too many stupid loans, okay In fact, they changed their name from WaMu to 'screw you.'
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President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before.
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I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
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For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out 'Denali' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'
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Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.
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We've got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick.
Jay Leno