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Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail. A lot of people were upset about this - they were hoping for the death penalty.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
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Journalist
Screenwriter
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Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Hoping
Jail
Paris
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Hilton
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More quotes by Jay Leno
President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden.
Jay Leno
The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic party. Although Bill said today, in his experience, whenever Hillary enters the picture that's when the party ends
Jay Leno
Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind.
Jay Leno
With Halloween coming this weekend, they say not one person in the country is planning to dress up as Governor Sarah Palin. You know why? ... The costume costs $150,000.
Jay Leno
The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand. How good can he be? his top client is living in a cave and driving a donkey. It doesn't sound like he is getting the best return on his investments to me.
Jay Leno
Whitney Houston rear-ended a city bus with her sports car, but no one was hurt. She said she didn't know what happened. One minute she was concentrating on the big white line, and the next, boom!
Jay Leno
How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up?
Jay Leno
Remember the good old days when the only bomb you had to worry about on a plane was the Rob Schneider movie?
Jay Leno
(Gray) Davis said yesterday that he is going to fight like a Bengal tiger, which I believe is also an endangered species.
Jay Leno
Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning.
Jay Leno
They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright Brothers were flying the plane.
Jay Leno
General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even win elections.
Jay Leno
Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison.
Jay Leno
Scientists say that Texas and Antarctica were connected at one time. In fact, early Mexicans used to go through Texas to try to sneak into Antarctica.
Jay Leno
President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off.
Jay Leno
Of course, Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. But then Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book.
Jay Leno
A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband is finished.
Jay Leno
I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.
Jay Leno
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take a harder stance on the death penalty. What's a harder stance on the death penalty? We're already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair
Jay Leno
It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.
Jay Leno