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Here's the latest from the Pentagon -- the generals are worried that the White House is spreading itself thin by trying to fight a war on two fronts Afghanistan and Fox News.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
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James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno

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A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other hand, men spend half their income on the wives when the wife finds out about the mistress. So it all balances out.
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When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.
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There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach to 1st class they really beat up.
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President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony Weiner said, “It’s a trap, don’t do it!” But President Obama’s tweets are a little different than Anthony Weiner’s. When Obama sends out pictures of something obscene, it’s the unemployment numbers.
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My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around.
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The circus doesn't stop. A federal appeals court has postponed the recall election. How stupid are we? Even our recalls get recalled.
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As you know, John McCain is an older, white-haired man who has been in the Senate for over twenty years, voted for the Iraq War, and said Barack Obama did not have the experience to be president. I'm sorry, that's our intro for next week when Joe Biden is on, I got confused.
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A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time.
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Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn't it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner.
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President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn't worked here - so try it somewhere else.
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President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out.
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Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know, it's started already. Today, they released the one thing that could really hurt Arnold. Turns out he once starred in a movie with Tom Arnold.
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Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry came down pretty hard on fellow candidate Howard Dean this weekend. After Dean misspoke several times, Kerry said you can't misspeak 15 times in a week and be president. And Bush said, 'You can't'?
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There are over 30 doctors running for the US Congress this year. That's going to be rather strange. Half the time these folks will be playing God and asking women to take their clothes off and the other half the time they will be doctors.
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The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
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You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid.
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Here is a very inexpensive costume idea. Wear a re-elect Obama button and go out as a journalist.
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On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, ''Phhh, you mean like last time?'
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Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year.
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It's always bad news when you kill your date
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