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Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy's mind.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Going
Designing
Mind
Driver
Drivers
Car
Design
Already
Guy
Read
Nissan
More quotes by Jay Leno
President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.
Jay Leno
I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em.
Jay Leno
Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?
Jay Leno
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get O.J.!
Jay Leno
President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida.
Jay Leno
It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I Did.'
Jay Leno
Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.
Jay Leno
I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
Jay Leno
Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip.
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The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam Hussein supporters to get them to talk. Theyre blaring heavy metal music at them. That should make the artist feel pretty good, huh? Put your heart and soul into your last CD and the Army is using it to torture people.
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Actually, the University of California says they may start a marijuana research center. Really? I thought the University of California was a marijuana research center.
Jay Leno
Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really - how come all those guys on Wall Street got 'get out of jail free' cards?
Jay Leno
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take a harder stance on the death penalty. What's a harder stance on the death penalty? We're already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair
Jay Leno
Disneyland celebrated its 40th anniversary by burying a time capsule. They say it will be dug up in 50 years - or when the last person in line at Space Mountain gets to the front, whichever comes first.
Jay Leno
A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other hand, men spend half their income on the wives when the wife finds out about the mistress. So it all balances out.
Jay Leno
I don't mean to harp on this, but it's like the networks are a how-to manual for terrorists. You see them on the news. This reporter is standing outside a water treatment plant, going, 'If they poured the poison here it could wipe out thousands because the guard is off duty from noon until 1 every day!'
Jay Leno
The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you'd be able to keep your doctor, and now they're saying you 'might' be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Perhaps we could try. Can't promise anything.'
Jay Leno
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.
Jay Leno
President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.
Jay Leno
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
Jay Leno