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President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he's sweating a lot more during his second term
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Climate
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Sweating
Speech
Warming
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Apparently
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Believes
More quotes by Jay Leno
The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed.
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Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.
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A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology free. He went without a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or any social media of any kind. And you know what really improved? His driving!
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John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take the country back? See, he knows how the wealthy think. He can spy on them at his country club, at his place in Palm Beach, at his house in the Hamptons. He's like a mole for the working man.
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According to federal reports filed yesterday, the Obama campaign spent more money than they raised in the month of May. They spent more money than they raised? Well, that's called being a Democrat
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Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.
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Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand.
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The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
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Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen.
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American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade Iraq, the whole place is oil and cash. It's like Republican Disneyland.
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There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad.
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Racecar driving is a lot like sex all men think they're good at it.
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The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
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I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
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It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.
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When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.
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John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.
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This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.
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Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you're getting ready to get on the roller coaster!
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More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
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