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Show business pays you a lot of money, because eventually you’re gonna get screwed.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Show
Business
Shows
Money
Screwed
Pays
Eventually
Gonna
Pay

More quotes by Jay Leno

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John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.
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According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren't there are needed to spend money we don't have to create jobs that don't exist.
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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
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To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side!
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John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move for Senator Kerry. If Bush doesn't show up for the debates, John Kerry may end up debating an empty chair. And that could be pretty much a toss up as to which one has the better personality.
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The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next invasion of a Middle Eastern country for two to three years.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there.
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Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top.
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According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox - his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues.
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Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
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Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.
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President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China.
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The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.
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Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?
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Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair.
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Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by.
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More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton.
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I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold 'Em.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya, if Arnold does run, he better get on the ballot, because you don't want a write-in with a name like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because people will go - 'Schwarz, schwarz, oh Davis is easier.'
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A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband is finished.
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