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All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Waitresses
Waiters
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More quotes by Jay Leno

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Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?
Jay Leno
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In People magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second of her life that isn't taken up looking after her family or thinking of her show - her day is filled with problems of work and family. Someone should tell her, everyone else calls that, life.
Jay Leno
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China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen.
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Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
Jay Leno
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A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.
Jay Leno
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The Boston Globe is reporting that Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry used to date actress Morgan Fairchild but it didn't work out. Apparently she couldn't handle dating someone with bigger hair then she had.
Jay Leno
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John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.
Jay Leno
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Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.
Jay Leno
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The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
Jay Leno
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Michele Bachmann told reporters that she will lead the nation in prayer if she is elected president. You know if she is elected president, we all better be praying. She doesn't have to lead us.
Jay Leno
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For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
Jay Leno
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You know what I'm doing for Easter? I'm gonna be hanging with my Peeps.
Jay Leno
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One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal.
Jay Leno
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Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip.
Jay Leno
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Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.
Jay Leno
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The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.
Jay Leno
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You know what Ken Lay had for breakfast this morning? Shredded Wheat.
Jay Leno
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Like in [the 1950s] if you wanted to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood you claimed he was a Communist. Nowadays, you want to ruin someone´s career in Hollywood, you claim they are Republican.
Jay Leno
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A new study shows that American students are becoming less proficient in science, and if the trend continues, we will become a nation that's science and chemistry illiterate. And you thought a lot of meth labs are blowing up now?
Jay Leno
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Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God told him to run now his wife is telling him to run. Of course, the big difference if you ignore what God says you don't have to hear about it until the afterlife. That's the only difference.
Jay Leno