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A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
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New Rochelle
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James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Americans
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Nations
Bush
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Clinton
More quotes by Jay Leno
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers.
Jay Leno
Facebook has revealed their estimated net worth - $96 billion. That's almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time looking at Facebook.
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It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off.
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The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.
Jay Leno
Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people they're just acquaintances.
Jay Leno
We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.
Jay Leno
They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?
Jay Leno
A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
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Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge raised security alert to a code red. Apparently Howard Dean has escaped. Did you see Dean's crazed speech the other night, yelling? I see why his wife won't campaign with him. In fact, Dean has a new slogan: 'Aaghhhh.'
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The reigning Miss Canada has been arrested for punching out another woman in a bar fight.Quite frankly, I think it's refreshing to finally find one beauty pageant winner who is against world peace.
Jay Leno
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let actual reality get in the way of his reality show.
Jay Leno
A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective right now.
Jay Leno
Major heat wave in India - 122 degrees today. It was so hot people in India were sweating like Americans waiting to hear if their job is being outsourced to India.
Jay Leno
It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy.
Jay Leno
Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.
Jay Leno
President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.
Jay Leno
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly.
Jay Leno
For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing.
Jay Leno
Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by.
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Johnny Walker, the American that fought for the Taliban, is now talking with an Arabic accent. Have you heard him? It's ridiculous. I know how we should handle him. Let's bring him back here and take him to Cleveland Browns stadium and dress him up as a referee. They'll know how to take care of him!
Jay Leno