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For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
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Journalist
Screenwriter
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Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno
Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.
Jay Leno
Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called ' An Inconvenient Truth. ' It's described as a detailed scientific view of global warming. President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2 The Meltdown.' He said, 'It's so much better than that boring Al Gore movie.'
Jay Leno
President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out.
Jay Leno
Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.
Jay Leno
Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple.
Jay Leno
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
Jay Leno
The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam Hussein supporters to get them to talk. Theyre blaring heavy metal music at them. That should make the artist feel pretty good, huh? Put your heart and soul into your last CD and the Army is using it to torture people.
Jay Leno
The longest-serving Republican Senator, Alaska's Ted Stevens, found guilty just a few hours ago on all charges in his corruption trial. Do you know this story? He failed to report he had some work done on his house. Yeah, here's the bad part. You know who did the work? Joe the plumber. Unlicensed.
Jay Leno
We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver?
Jay Leno
Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: Former president George Bush.
Jay Leno
Dean's wife, Judith Steinberg, made a rare appearance with Dean. She's a doctor, so I guess they brought her in to stop the hemorrhaging.
Jay Leno
We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that has lower numbers than he does.
Jay Leno
Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.
Jay Leno
President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?
Jay Leno
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for up to 3-4 minutes a time!
Jay Leno
Here is a very inexpensive costume idea. Wear a re-elect Obama button and go out as a journalist.
Jay Leno
Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine, worthless Treasury bonds.
Jay Leno
One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President Bush has him beat.
Jay Leno
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.
Jay Leno
Attorney General John Ashcroft has been hospitalized. I believe he is suffering from homophobia. No, actually, it was just gallstones, but when they gave him the hospital gown that opens in the back, he refused to wear it, he thought it was a gay wedding dress.
Jay Leno