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A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Stroke
Wells
Strokes
Well
Depressed
People
Cheer
Depression
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Greater
More quotes by Jay Leno
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
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Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he is going to run for governor on our program last night. My staff didn't know, Arnold's staff didn't know, I was shocked as everyone else. If he doesn't get elected governor, maybe he should work for the CIA. I mean, he can keep a secret better than they can.
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I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.
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Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.
Jay Leno
Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Economics. They are the first to figure out all the charges on their telephone bill.
Jay Leno
According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good thing because if they did exist there wouldn't be any jobs for them.
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Studies show American students are becoming less proficient in math. Experts say we should have seen this coming, but nobody could put 2 and 2 together.
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The Stock Market was down today. Two major businesses declared bankruptcy, consumer spending is at an all time low - in other words, Bush is back on the job.
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It looks like Rudy Giuliani is out of the race. Finally, a Republican with an exit strategy.
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Over in Iraq after you vote they paint your finger purple so you can't vote again. It's a flawless system. It works perfectly unless, of course, someone has paint remover.
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When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'
Jay Leno
Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.
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They had a profile of John Kerry on the news and they said his first wife was worth around $300 million and his second wife, his current wife, is worth around $700 million. So when John Kerry says he's going after the wealthy in this country, he's not just talking. He's doing it!
Jay Leno
John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'
Jay Leno
I went to see the Terminator movie the other night. Every time Arnold Schwarzenegger came on the screen this guy in front of me went 'Booo! Booo!' and was throwing stuff. I had to say 'Governor Davis just shut up and sit down!'
Jay Leno
President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize. Can you imagine that -- Bush demanding an apology for someone stumbling over his words? ... Kerry should have tried the Bush strategy: say so many stupid things, no one cares anymore.
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We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.
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According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.
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Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
Jay Leno
John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.
Jay Leno