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When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Jokes
Road
Late
Night
Place
Different
Every
Comedian

More quotes by Jay Leno

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There are over 30 doctors running for the US Congress this year. That's going to be rather strange. Half the time these folks will be playing God and asking women to take their clothes off and the other half the time they will be doctors.
Jay Leno
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Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, It's like ordering a pizza. Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it's delivered, it's never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.
Jay Leno
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In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
Jay Leno
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There was also talk of bringing Al Gore to California to help out, but there was concern that Gray Davis and Al Gore in the same state would cause some kind of rolling personality blackout.
Jay Leno
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More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
Jay Leno
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Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people they're just acquaintances.
Jay Leno
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When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you know what's really scary? Most of them don't know the first thing about driving a state into bankruptcy. They're not experts like Governor Gray Davis.
Jay Leno
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Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have smoked marijuana. The only ones who don't like it seem to be elected officials. Ever notice that?
Jay Leno
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Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?
Jay Leno
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If there isn't a parking space out front or I can't see my car from the window, we're eating somewhere else.
Jay Leno
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Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.
Jay Leno
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The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
Jay Leno
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Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.
Jay Leno
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CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
Jay Leno
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The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic party. Although Bill said today, in his experience, whenever Hillary enters the picture that's when the party ends
Jay Leno
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At the Sharper Image store, I saw a body fat analyzer. Didn't that used to be called a mirror?
Jay Leno
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A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time.
Jay Leno
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Rick Santorum is so conservative he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky.
Jay Leno
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Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.
Jay Leno
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Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip.
Jay Leno