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When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Easy
Money
Hands
Work
Earn
Car
Appreciate
Talking
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More quotes by Jay Leno
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
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55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for up to 3-4 minutes a time!
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Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
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President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off.
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We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that has lower numbers than he does.
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Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.
Jay Leno
Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah!
Jay Leno
A new poll says that if the election were held today, both John Kerry and John Edwards would beat President Bush by double digit margins. The White House is so worried about this, they're now thinking of moving up the capture of Osama Bin Laden to next month.
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(Gray) Davis said yesterday that he is going to fight like a Bengal tiger, which I believe is also an endangered species.
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CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
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At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad, if the presidential election were held today, Al Gore would still lose.
Jay Leno
As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think about it - it was written by very smart people, it's served us well for over two hundred years, and besides, we're not using it anymore.
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The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White.
Jay Leno
I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for Running off to Canada.
Jay Leno
A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good this guy's disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter.
Jay Leno
The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.
Jay Leno
They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'
Jay Leno
President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off.
Jay Leno
The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you sleep in a different cave every night.
Jay Leno
You know what I'm doing for Easter? I'm gonna be hanging with my Peeps.
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