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Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Streets
Wall
Called
Funny
Idea
Mart
Money
Stocks
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Cheap
Street
More quotes by Jay Leno
Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.
Jay Leno
French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them how to surrender properly.
Jay Leno
If we go down in flames, we will be laughing on the way down, believe me.
Jay Leno
Anheuser-Busch gives two free cases of beer to its employees at all of its parks, like Busch Gardens. That's a comforting thought the next time you're getting ready to get on the roller coaster!
Jay Leno
We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jay Leno
When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking.
Jay Leno
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.
Jay Leno
John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.
Jay Leno
Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair.
Jay Leno
You know what Ken Lay had for breakfast this morning? Shredded Wheat.
Jay Leno
The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
Jay Leno
For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.
Jay Leno
55% of all Americans lose their remote control 5 times a week. That means that they must see the same show for up to 3-4 minutes a time!
Jay Leno
Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.
Jay Leno
We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that has lower numbers than he does.
Jay Leno
Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd because the Democrats are saying the exact same thing about President Bush.
Jay Leno
More bad news for the Taliban. Remember how they are promised 72 virgins when they die? Turns out that it's only one 72-year-old virgin.
Jay Leno
The Obama administration has admitted that under Obamacare, you might not be able to keep your doctor. At first the president guaranteed you'd be able to keep your doctor, and now they're saying you 'might' be able to. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Perhaps we could try. Can't promise anything.'
Jay Leno
There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.
Jay Leno
Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.
Jay Leno
