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Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the last one to leave. I have the crummiest office. I try to balance things out, spread it around.

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
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Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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More quotes by Jay Leno

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There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.
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Italian authorities seized $6 trillion worth of fake, worthless U.S. Treasury bonds. Pretty good counterfeit job, too. They look just like the genuine, worthless Treasury bonds.
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Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling appeared before Congress. Do you think they even bothered swearing him in? Now he is denying he lied to Congress last week. He's saying it was just the liquor talking.
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Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch - the environment hurting Bush.
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Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.
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Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if there's one thing Christie hates, it's a small pie.
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More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton.
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There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up!
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More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
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President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out.
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It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.
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Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.
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Kerry was here in Los Angeles. He was courting the Spanish vote by speaking Spanish. And he showed people he could be boring in two languages.
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Did you see those Iraqis making that pilgrimage slashing their foreheads with knives and whipping their backs with chains. See, when Saddam Hussein was around they weren't allowed to make that pilgrimage. If they tried that with Saddam Hussein, he would have slashed their foreheads with knives and whipped their backs with chains.
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The Catholic Church is still very angry about The Da Vinci Code - they don't like anything that makes more money in a weekend than they do.
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There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that after all these years, Diet Coke is a complete failure.
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Inauguration Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.
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CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
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President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.
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Facebook has revealed their estimated net worth - $96 billion. That's almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time looking at Facebook.
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