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The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
Jay Leno
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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
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New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
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Bullets
Washington
More quotes by Jay Leno
Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough time to put on a fair election. Hey, let me tell you something. If we didn't need a fair election to pick the president of the United States, we don't need a fair election to pick the governor of California.
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It's not called cocaine any more. It's now referred to as Crack Classic.
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CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
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Chris Christie has officially endorsed Mitt Romney for president. Christie said President Obama is 'shrinking the American pie.' And believe me, if there's one thing Christie hates, it's a small pie.
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In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.' Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune.
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President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?
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As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to tell everyone he picked Joe Biden as his vice president. How do you think this makes Hillary Clinton feel, huh? Finally, she gets a telephone call at 3 a.m., it's to tell her they picked Joe Biden.
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This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.
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The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next invasion of a Middle Eastern country for two to three years.
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With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That's kind of a stretch a rich white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich white guy from Massachusetts.
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There are now reports that President Obama will name Massachusetts Senator John Kerry to be the next secretary of defense. Apparently this is part of America's new defense strategy to bore our enemies to death.
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John Kerry announced that he and his wife are leaving on a week-long vacation. He's going to take her back to the place where he first proposed to her - at her bank.
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Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Kenneth Lay.
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Anybody who gives their car to a valet isn't a car guy
Jay Leno
The entire spring and summer line from Marc Jacobs was stolen on the way to the fashion show in Paris. The thief is considered armed and fabulous.
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A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.
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Elections in L.A. are so different. Here you've got politicians with phony smiles making false promises to voters with fake boobs and bad toupees.
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It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.
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There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad.
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George W. Bush says he spends sixty to ninety minutes a day working out. He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much.
Jay Leno