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Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Jay Leno

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Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Romantic
Call
Funny
Today
Men
Extortion
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Valentine
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More quotes by Jay Leno

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A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald's. To show you how good this guy's disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter.
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They were going crazy in Kansas. People were up to 9 p.m. I think that was the greatest thing to happen to Kansas since the eradication of the boll weevil.
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Schwarzenegger said last night on the show he expects his opponents to throw all kinds of dirt at him. And you know, it's started already. Today, they released the one thing that could really hurt Arnold. Turns out he once starred in a movie with Tom Arnold.
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The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody stole all their couches.
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President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'
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More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just thought it was an American city because there were so many Mexicans there.
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Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple.
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A survey has shown that the average man has had sex in a car 15 times. Something to keep in mind next time you're looking for a used car.
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At Ken Lay's funeral service the minister compared him to Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior. The difference is Dr. King had a dream, Ken Lay had a scheme.
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John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'
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In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now use the phrase 'undocumented democrat'.
Jay Leno
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President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.
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Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.
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According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and even Democrats. Say what you want about the guy but he's a uniter!
Jay Leno
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A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology free. He went without a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or any social media of any kind. And you know what really improved? His driving!
Jay Leno
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Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
Jay Leno
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Facebook has revealed their estimated net worth - $96 billion. That's almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time looking at Facebook.
Jay Leno
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'
Jay Leno
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Texas Governor Rick Perry now says his wife has been encouraging him to run for President. Remember first he told us God told him to run now his wife is telling him to run. Of course, the big difference if you ignore what God says you don't have to hear about it until the afterlife. That's the only difference.
Jay Leno