Quote

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Jay Leno

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jay Leno
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: April 28
Actor
Comedian
Dancer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
New Rochelle
New York
James Douglas Muir Leno
Jay Douglas Muir Leno
James Leno
Men
Extortion
Like
Singles
Valentine
Sarcastic
Romantic
Call
Funny
Today

More quotes by Jay Leno

Image
Arnold Schwarzenegger has still not officially bowed out of this race. It looks like he's not gonna run. But I'll tell ya, if Arnold does run, he better get on the ballot, because you don't want a write-in with a name like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Because people will go - 'Schwarz, schwarz, oh Davis is easier.'
Jay Leno
Image
With the presidential debates right around the corner, John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That's kind of a stretch a rich white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich white guy from Massachusetts.
Jay Leno
Image
U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?
Jay Leno
Image
Now this really annoys me: All these people getting on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this. If Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss Cleo and he'd be charging $2.99 a minute.
Jay Leno
Image
Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?
Jay Leno
Image
It's not called cocaine any more. It's now referred to as Crack Classic.
Jay Leno
Image
As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline.
Jay Leno
Image
Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?
Jay Leno
Image
As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I'll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her.
Jay Leno
Image
According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox - his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues.
Jay Leno
Image
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
Jay Leno
Image
John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.
Jay Leno
Image
The economy is so bad that bedbugs are now infesting sleeping bags and tents, because they can't afford to stay in hotels anymore.
Jay Leno
Image
Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.
Jay Leno
Image
Do you know who will be in charge of health care? The IRS. You thought getting audited was bad? Wait until your next prostate exam.
Jay Leno
Image
John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.
Jay Leno
Image
The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here's my question. If we're on the surface of Mars, aren't we the UFO?
Jay Leno
Image
I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
Jay Leno
Image
A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.
Jay Leno
Image
President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters, 'Is the rich person you're working for better off now than they were four years ago?'
Jay Leno