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I simply wanted a kiss. I was a freshman girl who had never been kissed. Never. But I liked the boy, he liked me, and I was going to kiss him. That's the story, the whole story, right there.
Jay Asher
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Jay Asher
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 30
Novelist
Writer
Arcadia
California
Story
Girl
Freshman
Stories
Kissed
Wanted
Kiss
Whole
Liked
Right
Kissing
Going
Boys
Never
Simply
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Because what if I got to know you and you turned out to be just like they said? What if you weren’t the person I hoped you were? That, more than anything, would have hurt the most.
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Yes, it feels great to plan your life when you believe everything can turn out fine. But what about when you're shown, again and again, how little control you have over anything? No matter what I do to try to fix my future, it doesn't work.
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And everyone knows you can’t disprove a rumor.
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What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.
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You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.
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If time was a string connecting all of your stories, that party would be the point where everything knots up. And that knot keeps growing and growing, getting more and more tangled, dragging the rest of your stories into it.
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I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.
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That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible.
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Because our lies matched. It was a sign.
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A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.
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I needed a break... from myself.
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If I had a chance with him, I missed it. No, I didn't miss it. I threw it away.
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This time, for the first time, I saw the possibilities in giving up. I even found hope in it.
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It's nothing. A school project. My go-to answer for anything. Staying out late? School project. Need extra money? School project.
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And it feels strange, almost sad, to walk through ther empty halls. Each step I take sounds so lonely.
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I want to collapse. I want to fall on the sidewalk right there and drag myself to the ivy.
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Stories about sensitive issues like sex, drugs or sexual assault, suicide and teen drinking, are often censored because people just don't want to talk about those things. It's not that these things don't happen, but when they're shared in a fictional setting, for some reason they make some people uncomfortable.
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