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I hate not knowing what to believe anymore. I hate not knowing what's real.

Jay Asher

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Jay Asher
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 30
Novelist
Writer
Arcadia
California
Real
Believe
Anymore
Knowing
Hate

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Teens in the '90s had the same basic desires as they do now.
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I wanted people to trust me, despite anything they'd heard. And more than that, I wanted them to know me. Not the stuff they thought they knew about me. No, the real me. I wanted them to get past the rumors. To see beyond the relationships I once had, or maybe still had but that they didn't agree with.
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And it feels strange, almost sad, to walk through ther empty halls. Each step I take sounds so lonely.
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Could be my soul mate / two kindred spirits / Maybe we're not / I guess we'll never / know
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But you can't get away from yourself. You can't decide not to see yourself anymore. You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head.
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He looks out into the empty street, allowing me to sit in his car and just miss her. To miss her each time I pull in a breath of air. To miss her with a heart that feels so cold by itself, but warm when thoughts of her flow through me.
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And what if in the future we're at war again, or we still haven't elected a non-white or non-male president, or the Rolling Stones are still dragging their tired old butts on stage? That would depress me way too much.
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You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.
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The main thing I wanted to say, and thankfully it’s what most people say they get out of the book, is simply an acknowledgement that we do affect each other in ways we can’t predict.
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I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.
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Because I've heard so many stories that I don't know which one is the most popular. But I do know which is the least popular. The truth.
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Josh will begin disappearing into a future where the only place he and I remain friends is on the Internet.
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I needed a break... from myself.
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Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful.
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This time, for the first time, I saw the possibilities in giving up. I even found hope in it.
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I left. When I should have stayed.
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A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.
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