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You can hear rumors. But you can't know them.

Jay Asher

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Jay Asher
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 30
Novelist
Writer
Arcadia
California
Hear
Rumors
Rumor

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All you really have... is now.
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And what if in the future we're at war again, or we still haven't elected a non-white or non-male president, or the Rolling Stones are still dragging their tired old butts on stage? That would depress me way too much.
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I want to collapse. I want to fall on the sidewalk right there and drag myself to the ivy.
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I could picture life—school and everything else—continuing on without me. But I could not picture my funeral. Not at all. Mostly because I couldn’t imagine who would attend or what they would say.
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Everything about it was false. Right then, in that office, with the realization that no one knew the truth about my life, my thoughts about the world were shaken.
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That’s when I said it. That’s when I whispered to her, “I’m so sorry.” Because inside, I felt so happy and sad at the same time. Sad that it took me so long to get there. But happy that we got there together.
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Because our lies matched. It was a sign.
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We didn't get that chance because I was afraid. Afraid I had no chance with you.
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I swear, guys in groups are capable of the stupidest things. Like war, Kellan says, heaping napkins and ketchup packets onto her tray. And jumping off rooftops. And lighting their farts on fire, she says.
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Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful.
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I needed a break... from myself.
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Maybe it's not as important to you as it was for me, but that's not for you to decide.
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The longer you wait, and this is true, the slower the hands will move.
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But sometimes there’s nothing left to do but move on.
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When you write a book for publication, you're writing it for other people to read.
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Everything...affects everything
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A flood of emotions rushes into me. Pain and anger. Sadness and pity. But most surprising of all, hope.
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A week went by and nothing. But eventually, as they always will, the rumors reached me. And everyone knows you can't disprove a rumor.
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Because it may seem like a small role now, but it matters. In the end, everything matters.
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You can't go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is...now.
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