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I sat. And I thought. And the more I thought, connecting the events in my life, the more my heart collapsed.

Jay Asher

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Jay Asher
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 30
Novelist
Writer
Arcadia
California
Collapsed
Connecting
Sat
Events
Thought
Heart
Life

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I repeat his words in my head. What's going on? What's going on? Oh, well, since you asked, I got a bunch of tapes in the mail today from a girl who killed herself. Apparently, I had something to do with it. I'm not sure what that is, so I was wondering if I could borrow your Walkman to find out. 'Not much,' I say.
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Josh will begin disappearing into a future where the only place he and I remain friends is on the Internet.
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That's why you did it. You wanted your world to collapse around you. You wanted everything to get as dark as possible.
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We both laugh. And it feels good. A release. Like laughing at a funeral. Maybe inappropriate, but definitely needed.
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A week went by and nothing. But eventually, as they always will, the rumors reached me. And everyone knows you can't disprove a rumor.
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I miss video games where the jump-kick was the trickiest combo to master.
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Sometimes we have thoughts that even we don't understand. Thoughts that aren't even true—that aren't really how we feel—but they're running through our heads anyway because they're interesting to think about.
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What you don't understand, you can make mean anything.
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All you really have... is now.
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How in the world was I alone? Because I wanted to be. That's all I can say. It's all that makes sense to me.
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I could picture life—school and everything else—continuing on without me. But I could not picture my funeral. Not at all. Mostly because I couldn’t imagine who would attend or what they would say.
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Everything seemed good, but I knew it had the potential to be awful.
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Maybe it didn’t seem like a big deal to you Zach. But now, I hope you understand. My world was collapsing. I needed those notes. I needed any hope those notes might have offered. And you? You took that hope away. You decided I didn’t deserve to have it.
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The main thing I wanted to say, and thankfully it’s what most people say they get out of the book, is simply an acknowledgement that we do affect each other in ways we can’t predict.
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If I had a chance with him, I missed it. No, I didn't miss it. I threw it away.
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