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I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.

Jasper Fforde

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Jasper Fforde
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: January 11
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
London
England
Sort
Hackers
Form
Gardening
Find
Japanese
Acceptable
Six
Garden
Months
Control
Narcissus

More quotes by Jasper Fforde

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How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towards house demolition?
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The best plans are always the simplest.
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You nearly killed eight people! I managed to gasp out loud. My count was closer to twelve, returned Havisham as she opened the door. And anyhow, you can't nearly kill someone. Either they are dead or they are not.
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You many have noticed I have a temper ... but when I calmed down, I realized that this world, blighted and imperfect as it is, would be better with you in it.
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Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then — and this is the important bit — do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies.
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Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.
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A missing arm might ruin your symmetry. Personal asymmetry where I come from is a big taboo and brings great shame on the family and sometimes even the whole village. Do you then have to kill yourself over it or something? Goodness me, no! The family and village just have to learn to be ashamed--and nuts to them for being so oversensitive.
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Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.
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Have you ever wondered how nostalgia isnt what it used to be?
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Don't let anyone tell you the future is already written. The best any prophet can do is to give you the most likely version of future events. It is up to us to accept the future for what it is, or change it. It is easy to go with the flow it takes a person of singular courage to go against it.
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If you even think about asking Harry Potter for an autograph, your day ends right now.
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Apart from the faint odor of ink that pervaded the scene, it might have been real.
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I've managed to bring the backlog down to a mere sixty-eight years, she announced with some small sense of achievement. I hope to be able to start marking the papers of pupils who are still alive by the end of the decade.
Jasper Fforde
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Ordinary adults don't like children to speak of things that are denied them by their own gray minds.
Jasper Fforde
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Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
Jasper Fforde
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Were you listening to a word I said ' 'I kind of switched off when you drew breath.
Jasper Fforde
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If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher.
Jasper Fforde
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If only life were that simple if one could jump to the good parts and flick through the bad.
Jasper Fforde
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How fishy on the fishiness scale? Ten is a stickleback and one is a whale shark. A whale isn't a fish, Thursday. A whale shark is--sort of. All right, it's as fishy as a crayfish. A crayfish isn't a fish. A starfish, then. Still not a fish. This is a very odd conversation, Thursday.
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I could almost see common sense and denial fighting away at each other within her. In the end, denial won, as it so often does.
Jasper Fforde