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Whenever she thought she could not feel more alone, the universe peeled back another layer of darkness.
Janet Fitch
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Janet Fitch
Age: 68
Born: 1955
Born: November 9
Author
Journalist
Novelist
University Teacher
Writer
LA
California
Janet Elizabeth Fitch
Another
Thought
Peeled
Back
Layer
Feel
Layers
Feels
Whenever
Darkness
Alone
Universe
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purification in fire. public cremation
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without my wounds, who was I? My scars were my face, my past was my life.
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Her hatred glittered irresistibly. I could see it, the jewel, it was sapphire, it was the cold lakes of Norway.
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...The men eyed her with the automatic mix of curiosity, lust, and aesthetic judgment they always gave young women, subject to object, the way you'd stare at an animal. She pretended not to notice. To remind them she was a person was too much effort. Objects bore no guilt.
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I emitted some civetlike female stink, a distinct perfume of sexual wanting, that he had followed to find me here in the dark.
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The nearest I'd come to feeling anything like God was the plan blue cloudless sky and a certain silence, but how do you pray to that?
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I couldn't imagine owning beauty like my mothers. I wouldn't dare.
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I thought of my mother as Queen Christina, cool and sad, eyes trained on some distant horizon. That was where she belonged, in furs and palaces of rare treasures, fireplaces large enough to roast a reindeer, ships of Swedish maple.
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The sound of her laughter was sticky as sap, the smell of night-blooming jasmine soft as a milk bath.
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Beauty was empty as a gourd, vain as a parakeet. But it had power. It smelled of musk and oranges and made you close your eyes in a prayer.
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Wasn't that the way it always was? You didn't know, you couldn't tell, you just let it happen... Perhaps they didn't know themselves. Sometimes the line was very fine.
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I wandered through the stacks, running my hands along the spines of the books on the shelves, they reminded me of cultured or opinionated guests at a wonderful party, whispering to each other.
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Although she was giddy with exhaustion, sleep was a lover who refused to be touched.
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Find someone who will tremble for your touch, someone whose fingers are a poem.
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It was only natural to want to destroy something you could never have.
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She laughed so easily when she was happy. But also when she was sad.
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How can I shed tears for a man I should never have allowed to touch me in any way?
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That kind of tenderness couldn't be permitted to last. You only got a taste, enough to know what perfection meant, and then you paid for it the rest of your life. Like the guy chained to a rock, who stole fire. The gods made an eagle eat his liver for all eternity. You paid for every second of beauty you managed to steal.
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You paid for every second of beauty you managed to steal.
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echo, the death of a sound that had nowhere to go but to come back.
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