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I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Done
Needs
Men
Hamster
Hamsters
Need

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I shot that sucker right in the gumpy. Grandma Mazur
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I have bad car juju. -Stephanie Plum
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I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.
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Ranger sent us to check on you, Hal said. We just got here, and we heard shots. Some moron ate my jelly doughnut, Lula said. So I shot him.
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I may not be the most patient woman in the world, or the most glamorous, or the most athletic, but I'm right up there at the top of the line when it comes to resiliency.
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Excuse me? I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. Coffee? I thought we came here for pie. I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here. I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.
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My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think
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Oh, for God's sake, I said. Just give me the stupid thing. I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. GPS, Ranger said to Morelli. Probably I can find her breast without it, Morelli said. But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it.
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You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?” “Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?” “The baptismal font?” “That’s it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking.” “Brilliant,” I said to Lula. She tapped her head with her finger. “No grass growin’ here.
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You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms. Joe Morelli
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I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down. Grandma Mazur
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Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?' Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.' Superheroes are make-believe.' Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?
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One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger
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Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?
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I almost never shoot people.
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And then it gets so hot that they keep the supermarkets too cold. Hot, cold. Hot, cold. It gives me the runs. Mr. Landowsky
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Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.
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Some people learn from books, some listen to the advice of others, some learn from mistakes. I fit into the last category. So sue me.
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Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.
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I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
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