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Your life isn't out of control. It's expanded.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Expanded
Control
Life

More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
Janet Evanovich
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The elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet. Fainted, I said. Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. Tank doesn't faint. I've been in firefights with him. He's a rock. Well, the rock fainted.
Janet Evanovich
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I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
Janet Evanovich
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It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence. Joe Morelli
Janet Evanovich
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Looks like you're on a roll. This is the second car you've toasted this week. Carl Costanza - Hot Six
Janet Evanovich
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As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.
Janet Evanovich
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Excuse me? I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. Coffee? I thought we came here for pie. I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here. I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.
Janet Evanovich
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I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.
Janet Evanovich
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As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. That's a rocket launcher! Yep, Lula said. It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.
Janet Evanovich
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Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me
Janet Evanovich
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There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect Stephanie
Janet Evanovich
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I'm sorry about your Porsche. I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful. I was just sitting in your car! Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.
Janet Evanovich
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Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.-
Janet Evanovich
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Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
Janet Evanovich
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I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic . . . it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether.
Janet Evanovich
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Ranger sent us to check on you, Hal said. We just got here, and we heard shots. Some moron ate my jelly doughnut, Lula said. So I shot him.
Janet Evanovich
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I was driving by, doing a security check... and I smelled leg of lamb. Morelli
Janet Evanovich
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I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
Janet Evanovich
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I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.
Janet Evanovich
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Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head. Eddie DeChooch
Janet Evanovich