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Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Everything
Looks
Like
Lula
Barbie
Gun
Look

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He squinted at me. What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?
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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
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Stop the planet. I want to get off.
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Aren't you something, Grandma said. I never saw a midget up close. Little person, Briggs said. And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.
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I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset. Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.
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I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
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Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
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Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me
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Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off, he said. I'm not in the mood to compromise.
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If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.
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Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?' That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it.
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Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
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Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.
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I don't want my readers slowed down by long passages of narrative.
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The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang, Grandma said. Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.
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Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out? Lula
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I looked over at him. Is that a proposal? There was total silence for a couple beats. I'm not sure. It just popped out. Let me know when you're sure. Would you say yes? Morelli asked. I'm not sure.
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Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.
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When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
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