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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Accounts
Hold
Maybe
Oops
Gettin
Pregnant
Account

More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman.
Janet Evanovich
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Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. Sorry about the blood. What was it this time? No one reported gunfire. I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer. Whoa. Dillon said. It wasn't my fault, I told him. Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for
Janet Evanovich
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Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige.
Janet Evanovich
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Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. this is it, he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep.this car has protective qualities You mean like a guardian angel? I mean, like, it has seatbelts
Janet Evanovich
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When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank.
Janet Evanovich
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I wasnt always a writer. When I went to college and majored in fine arts, I was a painter. Then I was a stay-at-home mom.
Janet Evanovich
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I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy
Janet Evanovich
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If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.
Janet Evanovich
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I have bad car juju. -Stephanie Plum
Janet Evanovich
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There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect Stephanie
Janet Evanovich
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Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator. Stephanie Plum
Janet Evanovich
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Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.
Janet Evanovich
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I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.
Janet Evanovich
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You're not looking for a partner, Ranger said. You're looking for an enforcer. You hate to run. You must be worried about getting into that black dress. What did you eat just now? Piece of cake? Candy bar? Everything, I said. I just ate everything.
Janet Evanovich
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Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.
Janet Evanovich
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I'm for sure a workaholic. I'm a complete control freak and I take on way too many projects.
Janet Evanovich
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You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter. Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines
Janet Evanovich
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When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don’t need ironing.
Janet Evanovich
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Have you eaten?' I asked Diesel. When?' Recently.' No.
Janet Evanovich
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Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula
Janet Evanovich