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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Accounts
Hold
Maybe
Oops
Gettin
Pregnant
Account

More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. “I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said. “It’s floor,” I told him. “I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.
Janet Evanovich
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Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.' There are some similarities.
Janet Evanovich
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Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?' Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.' Superheroes are make-believe.' Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?
Janet Evanovich
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I hate mornings. They start so early.
Janet Evanovich
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Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?
Janet Evanovich
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And then it gets so hot that they keep the supermarkets too cold. Hot, cold. Hot, cold. It gives me the runs. Mr. Landowsky
Janet Evanovich
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I don't want my readers slowed down by long passages of narrative.
Janet Evanovich
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Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.
Janet Evanovich
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Diesel is back, Ranger said. Yes. How did you know? I woke up with a migraine this morning. Ranger said.
Janet Evanovich
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I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.
Janet Evanovich
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I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionall mature.
Janet Evanovich
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I really wouldn't classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they're adventures.
Janet Evanovich
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I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.
Janet Evanovich
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I hung my head. Ranger was next on the list. “Yo,” Ranger said when he answered. “Small problem.” “No kidding. Your car just went off the screen.” “It sort of burned up.” Silence. “And you know that keypad you gave me? It was in the car.” “Babe.
Janet Evanovich
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Suppose I lay down on the pavement and you run over me a few times with my own car...just for old times.
Janet Evanovich
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Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
Janet Evanovich
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Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered.
Janet Evanovich
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Has it ever occurred to you that you might be delusional?' That's what the psychiatrist said, but I think he's wrong. There's an evil flying pizza out there, and it's got Brenda's name on it.
Janet Evanovich
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How was your day? Morelli asked me. Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.
Janet Evanovich
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God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.
Janet Evanovich