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He's a good man, Ranger said. And you? I'm better.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Ranger
Rangers
Better
Good
Men

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Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.
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Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this. - Morelli
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Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?
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You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?” “Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?” “The baptismal font?” “That’s it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking.” “Brilliant,” I said to Lula. She tapped her head with her finger. “No grass growin’ here.
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This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe. Ranger
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Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out? Lula
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You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.-
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Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
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When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
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It was dark and raining, with bad visibility, but this was Jersey, and we don't slow down for anything.
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You could be the Mega Mage of wizards. You could rule Minionfire. Do you really think so?' Yeah, but you'd have to make a deal with the wood elves.' I don't like the wood elves.' They're okay. They're misunderstood.
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I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. “I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said. “It’s floor,” I told him. “I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.
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It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence. Joe Morelli
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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
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God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.
Janet Evanovich
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You gonna take the case? It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of. You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens, Grandma said.
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I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
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I could use some help with an FTA. What's your problem? He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.
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I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2000 volts and been spray starched
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Since I write in first person and have no idea what goes on in men's heads.
Janet Evanovich