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If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Sure
Wanted
Made
Creamed
Would
Spinach
Dessert
Weight
Lose
Loses

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You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?” “Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?” “The baptismal font?” “That’s it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking.” “Brilliant,” I said to Lula. She tapped her head with her finger. “No grass growin’ here.
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I could use some help with an FTA. What's your problem? He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.
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Ranger clicked his penlight on. Hang onto me if you can't see. I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. I'm good to go. He was still for a beat. You could have held on to my jacket, he said. Would you rather I do that? No. Not even a little.
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I don't mean to change the subject or anything, but have you tried concealer on that zit? Cynthia Lotte - Hot Six
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About that proposal, cupcake... Morelli
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Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
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Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula
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Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.
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From the look on your face, I'd say you know him. I nodded. Sold him a cannoli when I was in high school. Connie grunted. Honey, half of all the women in New Jersey have sold him their cannoli
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You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter. Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines
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Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum
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I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
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I hate mornings. They start so early.
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Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. this is it, he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep.this car has protective qualities You mean like a guardian angel? I mean, like, it has seatbelts
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Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
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At the other end of the room, Grandma had the lid up on Larry Lipinski. She was standing one foot on a folding chair, one foot on the edge of the casket, and she was taking pictures with a disposable camera.
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I don't know if it's a good idea to give a woman a box of bullets when she's got a pimple.
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You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.
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Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.
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Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions? -Ranger
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