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I could use some help with an FTA. What's your problem? He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him.
Janet Evanovich
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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
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South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
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More quotes by Janet Evanovich
As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.
Janet Evanovich
You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think? Stuart Bagget
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Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.-
Janet Evanovich
Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.
Janet Evanovich
You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious.-
Janet Evanovich
Maybe it was me, Grandma said.Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?
Janet Evanovich
Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. this is it, he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep.this car has protective qualities You mean like a guardian angel? I mean, like, it has seatbelts
Janet Evanovich
I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset. Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.
Janet Evanovich
Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.
Janet Evanovich
Was a fast easy reading, Good to take your mind off of anything serious for a while
Janet Evanovich
I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
Janet Evanovich
If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.
Janet Evanovich
Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things? Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.
Janet Evanovich
Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy.
Janet Evanovich
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk, I said to Ranger. Not drunk, Ranger said. Just relaxed and naked.
Janet Evanovich
Amen Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. I thought you were Baptist. Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.
Janet Evanovich
I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy
Janet Evanovich
Were really screwed up, aren't we? In a very large way.
Janet Evanovich
I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.
Janet Evanovich
I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.
Janet Evanovich