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On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Next
Bright
Better
Luck
Ever
Side
Time
Sides
Maybe
Sure
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More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early. -Ranger
Janet Evanovich
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I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.
Janet Evanovich
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Diesel is back, Ranger said. Yes. How did you know? I woke up with a migraine this morning. Ranger said.
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Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.
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Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?' Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.' Superheroes are make-believe.' Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?
Janet Evanovich
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I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.
Janet Evanovich
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Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.
Janet Evanovich
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You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake. Morelli said. I'll find you. You are such a cop. Tell me about it.
Janet Evanovich
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Give me the gun. Ranger said. I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over. Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. It's warm, he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition. Am I fired? No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.
Janet Evanovich
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I got out of the tub and had to squelch a scream when I saw my reflection in the vanity mirror. My hair looked like it had taken 2000 volts and been spray starched
Janet Evanovich
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Aren't you something, Grandma said. I never saw a midget up close. Little person, Briggs said. And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.
Janet Evanovich
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There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.
Janet Evanovich
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You're not looking for a partner, Ranger said. You're looking for an enforcer. You hate to run. You must be worried about getting into that black dress. What did you eat just now? Piece of cake? Candy bar? Everything, I said. I just ate everything.
Janet Evanovich
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If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk, I said to Ranger. Not drunk, Ranger said. Just relaxed and naked.
Janet Evanovich
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I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. “I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look,” Morelli said. “It’s floor,” I told him. “I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.
Janet Evanovich
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Transitions are critically important. I want the reader to turn the page without thinking she's turning the page. It must flow seamlessly.
Janet Evanovich
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Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing.
Janet Evanovich
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You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms. Joe Morelli
Janet Evanovich
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You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.
Janet Evanovich
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I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.
Janet Evanovich