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I shot that sucker right in the gumpy. Grandma Mazur

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Sucker
Grandma
Shot
Shots
Right

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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
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Excuse me? I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. Coffee? I thought we came here for pie. I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here. I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.
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Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.
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As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. That's a rocket launcher! Yep, Lula said. It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects.
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The note wasn't signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.
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I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.
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you see what I'm saying? Mooner said. Something else always comes along. You go to jail, you don't have to worry about anything. No rent to pay. No food bill to sweat. Free dental plan. And that's worth something, dude.You don't wnat to stick your nose up at free dental.
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Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.
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How was your day? Morelli asked me. Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.
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Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.
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Somewhere along the line, I realized that I liked telling stories, and I decided that I would try writing. Ten years later, I finally got a book published. It was hard. I had no skills. I knew nothing about the business of getting published. So I had to keep working at it.
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Are we fighting? I asked Morelli. No. Were discussing. Are you sure? Am I yelling? Morelli asked. Is my face purple? Are the cords on my neck standing out? Am I waving my arms around? No. The were not fighting.
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Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula
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Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things? Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.
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Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
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Happens to me all the time...People are always underestimating my dumbness.
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Personally, I'm a lazy kind of guy, and leaving the door open on the mystical saves me work. I don't have to stress my brain trying to explain the unexplainable. It's magic. End of discussion.
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It was dark and raining, with bad visibility, but this was Jersey, and we don't slow down for anything.
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Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head. Eddie DeChooch
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It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence. Joe Morelli
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