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Just because i know how to change a guys oil doesn't mean i want to spend the rest of my life on my back, staring up his undercarriage.

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Back
Oil
Mean
Staring
Life
Guys
Spend
Rest
Guy
Doesn
Change

More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.
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Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.
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Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.
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Valerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. “I’m going to marry my snuggy wuggums,” she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. “If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I’ll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace.
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I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
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Transitions are critically important. I want the reader to turn the page without thinking she's turning the page. It must flow seamlessly.
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Almost everybody I know has died,” Grandma said. “Bunch of wimps.
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My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think
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I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.
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If anything happened to you, I'd be so destroyed they'd have to strap me to a bed and feed me through a tube. After five or six years, I might be capable of taking care of Rex. In the interim, you should assign a guardian.
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Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum
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What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples? Helen Plum
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Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing.
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When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
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I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said. Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney- assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.
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Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.
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I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionall mature.
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Ranger clicked his penlight on. Hang onto me if you can't see. I curled my hand into the back of his cargo pants just above his gun belt. I'm good to go. He was still for a beat. You could have held on to my jacket, he said. Would you rather I do that? No. Not even a little.
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You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills, I said. I just enter. I don't usually break. You broke down Pitch's door. Lost my temper. -Ranger and Stephanie
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I was driving by, doing a security check... and I smelled leg of lamb. Morelli
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