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I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Classy
Telling
Hard

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I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.
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I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
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Give me the gun. Ranger said. I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over. Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. It's warm, he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition. Am I fired? No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.
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Ranger’s gonna hate this,” Tank said. “Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.
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God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God.
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I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean
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I shot that sucker right in the gumpy. Grandma Mazur
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What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples? Helen Plum
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Just because i know how to change a guys oil doesn't mean i want to spend the rest of my life on my back, staring up his undercarriage.
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Diesel is back, Ranger said. Yes. How did you know? I woke up with a migraine this morning. Ranger said.
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I'm sorry about your Porsche. I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful. I was just sitting in your car! Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.
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You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms. Joe Morelli
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When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.
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How was your day? Morelli asked me. Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.
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He had a body like batman
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Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you
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He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men. When he said it, I thought it was an outrageous threat. I no longer though it outrageous.
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I don't want my readers slowed down by long passages of narrative.
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The golden years are for pussies. We went straight to brass.
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He squinted at me. What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?
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