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I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?

Janet Evanovich

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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Anyone
Yogurt
Alarm
Alarms
Nerve
Gas
Nerves

More quotes by Janet Evanovich

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I've never been in this part of Trenton before. I don't feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven't got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don't know how people can live like this.
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I don't know much about cars, Joyce said, but I think someone took my engine.
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Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there's nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don't have the money to buy both.-
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I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset. Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.
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I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
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Aren't you something, Grandma said. I never saw a midget up close. Little person, Briggs said. And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.
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Excuse me? I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. Coffee? I thought we came here for pie. I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here. I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.
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There's me and then there's you, and you aren't ever going to be as good as me, Sweet Thing. Ranger
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Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things? Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.
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I'm so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don't have time for painting anymore.
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I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.
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About that proposal, cupcake... Morelli
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I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy
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Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.
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Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.
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Everyone knows that if you buy chocolate with spare change, then the calories don't count.
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I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
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Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.' There are some similarities.
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Stop the planet. I want to get off.
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I wasn’t sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others.
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