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Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head. Eddie DeChooch
Janet Evanovich
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Janet Evanovich
Age: 81
Born: 1943
Born: April 22
Novelist
Writer
South River
New Jersey
Steffie Hall
Insulting
Shoot
Smart
Saying
Head
Enough
Vest
Like
Vests
Eddie
More quotes by Janet Evanovich
I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.
Janet Evanovich
You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms. Joe Morelli
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Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. I gotta get me a pair if those, she said, eyeballing my shorts. I've still got pretty good legs, you know. She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things? Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs.
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I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.
Janet Evanovich
Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine.
Janet Evanovich
I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.
Janet Evanovich
You gonna take the case? It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of. You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens, Grandma said.
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I got out of the elevator and confronted Mr. Wexler. “Killing is wrong.” “We kill chickens,” Mr. Wexler said. “We kill cows. We kill trees. So big deal, we kill some drug dealers.” It was hard to argue with that kind of logic because I like cows and chickens and trees much better than drug dealers.
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I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.
Janet Evanovich
You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?” ~ Morelli
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You can get through very serious and sometimes horrible and sometimes embarrassing and very awkward situations with humor. It gives us a way out.
Janet Evanovich
I had an alarm, I had nerve gas, I had a yogurt. What more could anyone want?
Janet Evanovich
You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.
Janet Evanovich
If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.
Janet Evanovich
Is there anything else you need from me? Ranger asked. Not right now. There will come a time, Ranger said. Let me know when. And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
Janet Evanovich
you see what I'm saying? Mooner said. Something else always comes along. You go to jail, you don't have to worry about anything. No rent to pay. No food bill to sweat. Free dental plan. And that's worth something, dude.You don't wnat to stick your nose up at free dental.
Janet Evanovich
I want to see your tailpipe fading off into the sunset. Good luck, I thought. My tailpipe was somewhere on Route 1, along with my muffler.
Janet Evanovich
I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean
Janet Evanovich
Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.
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Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.
Janet Evanovich