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Nothing translates worse than comedy into the printed word.

Janeane Garofalo

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Janeane Garofalo
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 28
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Political Activist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Newton
New Jersey
Janeane Marie Garofalo
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Comedy
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More quotes by Janeane Garofalo

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Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.
Janeane Garofalo
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It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep.
Janeane Garofalo
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All roads lead to my dogs, don't they?
Janeane Garofalo
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I'm not a big fan of the comics competing against each other.
Janeane Garofalo
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There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.
Janeane Garofalo
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Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing.
Janeane Garofalo
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I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.
Janeane Garofalo
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Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.
Janeane Garofalo
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The teabagger thing and the right-wing thing - they pick easy targets, and a female in the entertainment industry is low-hanging fruit. It's very easy to mock and marginalize people in general who are in the entertainment industry, for some reason. But then definitely there's the double standard and the misogyny that goes through it as well.
Janeane Garofalo
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I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.
Janeane Garofalo
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Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
Janeane Garofalo
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Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.
Janeane Garofalo
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Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political.
Janeane Garofalo
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Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!
Janeane Garofalo
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I make jewelry occasionally. I'm not a hobbyist. I'm a reader, I'm a lover of books, I like to watch movies, but mostly a lot of nothing. I'm quite content doing very little.
Janeane Garofalo
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I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.
Janeane Garofalo
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I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.
Janeane Garofalo
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Listening to your tape, I was reminded of this poem. It has the central question: Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? Anyway, there's this part that goes: if equal affection cannot be, then let the more loving one be me. Have you ever read that one? It's one of my favorites.
Janeane Garofalo
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Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
Janeane Garofalo
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Well I don't know what the city of Hollywood knows about foreign policy, but do I know that a lot of people do learn and educate themselves about policy and I don't have to be a policy expert to know that this will be a disaster.
Janeane Garofalo