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The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.
Janeane Garofalo
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Janeane Garofalo
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 28
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Political Activist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Newton
New Jersey
Janeane Marie Garofalo
Bible
Fiction
Written
Work
Beautifully
More quotes by Janeane Garofalo
To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.
Janeane Garofalo
Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.
Janeane Garofalo
I don't know who you're referring to exactly who said, 'What has Iraq done to us?'
Janeane Garofalo
Anthony Weiner deserves to be supported and hopefully he will be mayor of New York one day. I'm serious. He is a Democrat [who] actually fights for the things liberals and progressive and rational people care about. I don't know why he's being thrown under the bus. He hasn't done any - he hasn't broke any laws.
Janeane Garofalo
Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing.
Janeane Garofalo
Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.
Janeane Garofalo
If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.
Janeane Garofalo
Like I said, I'm just grateful when anyone offers me a job. It's like, Okay. I'll do it. FBI agent is one, too, when you get older. When you're kind of an older lady hard-ass, FBI tends to happen. It's just because I'd like to work rather than not work, so I'm just happy if somebody wants me to do anything.
Janeane Garofalo
We got married drunk in Vegas . . . We dated for a year, and we got married at a drive-through chapel in a cab. [We thought] you have to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew? We were married, and apparently now that [Rob] is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something.
Janeane Garofalo
I did not support Operation Desert Fox.
Janeane Garofalo
I don't hate myself, as a general rule. I'd say the best way to describe it is that I have moments of self-loathing at fairly regular intervals.
Janeane Garofalo
Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!'
Janeane Garofalo
You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena.
Janeane Garofalo
He [God] just seems so man-made to me. There are so many theories, and not everyone can be right. It's human nature to need a religious crutch, and I don't begrudge anyone that. I just don't need one.
Janeane Garofalo
Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms.
Janeane Garofalo
How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American?
Janeane Garofalo
To a right-winger, unions are awful. Why do right-wingers hate unions? Because collective bargaining is the power that a worker has against the corporation. Right-wingers hate that.
Janeane Garofalo
Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.
Janeane Garofalo
You have to have a lot more dedication to what I'll call 'the machine,' ... I have 20 percent dedication. What's needed is 110 percent. You can't have it with the level of apathy I have.
Janeane Garofalo
Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.
Janeane Garofalo
