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Last night, I went to a birthday party, and this girl brought a cake and a cheesecake. And the other girls that lived in the apartment, I swear to God, all night long: 'You're taking that cake with you when you go. That cake's not staying in this house.' Like it's this evil, Hope Diamond, nuclear, horrifying cursed thing.

Janeane Garofalo

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Janeane Garofalo
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 28
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Political Activist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Newton
New Jersey
Janeane Marie Garofalo
Long
Lasts
Staying
Cheesecake
Like
Last
Nuclear
Horrifying
Evil
Brought
Cursed
Hope
Girls
Diamond
Girl
Lived
Apartment
House
Taking
Swear
Night
Went
Cake
Thing
Party
Birthday

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You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena.
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I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything.
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When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'
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So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity.
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... being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.
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I was thrilled to work opposite Carl Reiner and Robert De Niro. Mr. Reiner was very chatty and delightful, but I learned that if you want Robert De Niro to like you, don't speak at all, and he'll be friendly to you.
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I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.
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All roads lead to my dogs, don't they?
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The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views.
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I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.
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The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.
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Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
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Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political.
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You know what is good about these Dixie Chicks burnings or bashings? It's a wonderful, wonderful way for really stupid people to hook up. They meet, they throw some things on the fire, they talk about Vin Diesel, they tell stories about who their favorite Fox anchor is, they exchange phone numbers and in some cases has led to marriages.
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You have to have a lot more dedication to what I'll call 'the machine,' ... I have 20 percent dedication. What's needed is 110 percent. You can't have it with the level of apathy I have.
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There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.
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Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the young people. They don't have the debilitating self-loathing and the second guessing.
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You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
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Like I said, I'm just grateful when anyone offers me a job. It's like, Okay. I'll do it. FBI agent is one, too, when you get older. When you're kind of an older lady hard-ass, FBI tends to happen. It's just because I'd like to work rather than not work, so I'm just happy if somebody wants me to do anything.
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There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together.'
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