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If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions.
Janeane Garofalo
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Janeane Garofalo
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 28
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Political Activist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Newton
New Jersey
Janeane Marie Garofalo
Asks
Functions
Tell
Examination
Doctor
Ever
Doctors
Live
Function
Self
Gets
Examinations
Policy
Diagnosis
Forever
Bodily
More quotes by Janeane Garofalo
Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes.
Janeane Garofalo
I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.
Janeane Garofalo
Pedestrian's rights - because we live in California, I've got to address this issue. I don't know where on the fence I am about that. I suppose if I'm walking, I'm all for it, but if I'm driving, that's a whole other can of worms.
Janeane Garofalo
I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two cholos bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.
Janeane Garofalo
Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.
Janeane Garofalo
Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.
Janeane Garofalo
Nothing translates worse than comedy into the printed word.
Janeane Garofalo
To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.
Janeane Garofalo
All roads lead to my dogs, don't they?
Janeane Garofalo
Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.
Janeane Garofalo
You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
Janeane Garofalo
I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.
Janeane Garofalo
I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.
Janeane Garofalo
Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting.
Janeane Garofalo
I would tell the Democrats in Washington who are trying to be civil with the bipartisanship to please stop and let the joker die once and for all, let the agents of chaos hit the pavement, stop picking them up.
Janeane Garofalo
My dream would be to be on a show that shoots in New York, because I live here, and then I could walk to work.
Janeane Garofalo
I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.
Janeane Garofalo
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Janeane Garofalo
I'm not a big fan of the comics competing against each other.
Janeane Garofalo
You know what is good about these Dixie Chicks burnings or bashings? It's a wonderful, wonderful way for really stupid people to hook up. They meet, they throw some things on the fire, they talk about Vin Diesel, they tell stories about who their favorite Fox anchor is, they exchange phone numbers and in some cases has led to marriages.
Janeane Garofalo