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Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.

Janeane Garofalo

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Janeane Garofalo
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 28
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Political Activist
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Newton
New Jersey
Janeane Marie Garofalo
Back
Phones
Drunk
Message
Machines
Messages
Answering
Advice
Sage
Stay
Phone
Away
Machine

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I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.
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Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.
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Listen, young people, I understand narcissism - clearly. But at least I have the decency to hate myself. And that's what's missing from the young people. They don't have the debilitating self-loathing and the second guessing.
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I'm almost 46. You become no longer even regarded in a sexual way. As you get older you're just taken out of that realm. So it's not anything that particularly confronts me very much at all.
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I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
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When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'
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There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together.'
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You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
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I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything.
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This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
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Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes.
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Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
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Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
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Protesting the color of a man's skin is not a worthy protest.
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It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep.
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You know, I have no web presence, and I don't know that there's many people who really do know me that much anymore.
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We got married drunk in Vegas . . . We dated for a year, and we got married at a drive-through chapel in a cab. [We thought] you have to go down to the courthouse and sign papers and stuff, so who knew? We were married, and apparently now that [Rob] is getting married for real, his lawyer dug up something.
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Until as women we all say, No! We are not going to starve ourselves, nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men.
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Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.
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Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.
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