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If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

James Lileks

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James Lileks
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: August 9
Journalist
Problems
Constipation
Told
Shove
Least
Ivory
Mother
Brick
Problem
Junior
Juniors
Bricks
Entire

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Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.
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Contempt for the things people choose of their own free will is, at its heart, contempt for free will.
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All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.
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The same people who accuse America of coddling dictators are sputtering with bilious fury because we actually deposed one.
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And I don't want posture lessons from a country that spent the last 20 years flopping on its back and grabbing its ankles when Saddam showed up waving stacks of Francs in exchange for bang-sticks.
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I don't believe in the very concept of first thing in the morning. I'm a third thing in the afternoon fellow.
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Yay Condi Rice. I want her to go to Saudi Arabia, and I want her first words upon getting off the plane to be 'I'll drive.'
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The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.
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Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.
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I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.
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We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.
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So now we're after a constitutional amendment that defines marriage as a guy-and-gal thing. To the founders, this would have been like an amendment requiring the sun to rise in the east it would fall under the category of obvious truths that the Constitution need not address.
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It takes a particularly rarified variety of idiot to look at a Jew-hating fascist with a small mustache - and decide that his opponent is the Nazi.
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Ah, if only the best place for storing embryonic stem cells was Yucca Flat.
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Quietly scuttling Columbus Day sales doesn't mean they are opposed to 15th century Iberian seafarers it just means They don't want protestors on the sales floor throwing blood on the Calvin Klein hosiery in the name of the anti-imperialistic cause.
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When your opponent sets up a straw man, set it on fire and kick the cinders around the stage. Don't worry about losing the Strawperson- American community vote.
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There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.
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The popular Arab imagination is a pliant and inventive thing it can explain any defeat. It is a compass that always points toward the Jew.
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