...Her parents were going to a conference for the weekend. The conference was called Lawyers are Lovely, Great and Superb: so Why Does Everyone Think that They are Liars, Greedy and Scum? and Mr Thomson was doing a speech called Ten Tips to Make Lawyers as Popular as Doctors.

It's a lot easier to be crazy or mad than to just get on with living.

I'm screwed up, mixed up, messed around, dive-bombing, crashing and burning.

P.P.S. AND YOU CAN TALK. Just say the word. JUST SAY THE WORD? What kind of expression is that? WHAT WORD WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SAY ANYWAY? MORON? Letter from Emily to Charles.

My father, I never knew, except for this one time when he threw a ball and told me to go fetch it. Dad, I said. Am I a dog? Lydia, he said. I apologize.

What does it mean? Emily said, in a low, panicked voice: What does it mean if a rainbow comes before rain?

Are you sure you want me to go after Christina? Lately I've kind of thought I might just give up on that. Plus, didn't you and I need to gaze into each other's eyes first? How will I know how to gaze at Christina? And my pebble kicking? Disaster.

and if we can change things that have already happened if those planes can fly in uneasy formation if that splinter moon can blow away the shadows then anything, anything at all.

The Irish people didn't get on that well with each other either. They hated the Catholics, was the main issue, as I see. You can't blame them for that. If I understand correctly, Catholics do not believe in contraception. So, you know, sex is not relaxing.

I hope you feel better today. Please ring me at work if you are dead.

I saw your name in lights last night. It's the middle of the night, and I can't sleep, thinking all my trumpeting thoughts, and I get out of bed, open the curtains, and look into the night full of stars, and you know what I saw? Your name. Like the stars joined up and spelled the word for me. Like a sign.

And she looks at me with her eyes open wide and a face that says: Oh my God, I'm muckin' around in my sexy Jesus-boots, in my crazy dreamworld, and I've opened the door and let you in on my crazy dreamworld and that's so embarrassing but, actually, who cares? because it's funny.

You do know the answers to most of your problems. Somewhere deep inside, you know.

Well, first you have to be very, very funny. I have realized that it is essential for a boy to be funny. Otherwise, what is the point in a boy?