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All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
War
Bicker
America
Democrats
Character
Desperate
States
Democrat
Fate
Characters
Concerned
United

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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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Predictions are preposterous.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
Jackie Mason