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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Bills
Pockets
Offers
Gates
Republicans
Republican
Democrats
Money
Compare
Like
Bill
Offer
Comparing
Democrat
Pocket

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
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Predictions are preposterous.
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
Jackie Mason