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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Offer
Comparing
Democrat
Pocket
Bills
Pockets
Offers
Gates
Republican
Republicans
Money
Democrats
Like
Compare
Bill

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
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All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
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Ten years ago if you would have told me that Mrs. Clinton would be the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination, I'd have never believed you. Her only qualifications for office are that she's Mr. Clinton's partner. And what does that mean? The two of them stand for dishonesty and corruption.
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I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!
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Predictions are preposterous.
Jackie Mason
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
Jackie Mason
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
Jackie Mason
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason