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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Much
Truthfully
Republicans
Republican
Wrong

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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
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Predictions are preposterous.
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
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Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
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It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.
Jackie Mason