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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Ever
Possibilities
Many
Possibility
Really
Usually
Way
Instead
Think
Happen
Preposterous
Thinking
Tell
Variations
Like
Happens
Variation
People
Certain
Predictions

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!
Jackie Mason
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
Jackie Mason
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
Jackie Mason
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The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality.
Jackie Mason
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Predictions are preposterous.
Jackie Mason
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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
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I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America.
Jackie Mason
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
Jackie Mason
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
Jackie Mason
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The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.
Jackie Mason
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason
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While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.
Jackie Mason
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
Jackie Mason
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
Jackie Mason
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
Jackie Mason
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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.
Jackie Mason
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
Jackie Mason
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason