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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Schmucks
Democratic
Republican
Ones

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
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When most people return from Europe, they tell tales of all the sites they saw, the shopping, the entertainment, etc. Jews, on the other hand, return and say I had this slice of cake in Austria, let me tell you, I don't know how they make it! It was great!
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I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me, one Jew talking and that's it.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary.
Jackie Mason
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All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters.
Jackie Mason
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Jackie Mason
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Jackie Mason
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You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.
Jackie Mason
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
Jackie Mason
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
Jackie Mason
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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
Jackie Mason
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Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it.
Jackie Mason
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A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner.
Jackie Mason
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I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humor doesn't know what he's talking about.
Jackie Mason
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
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The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news.
Jackie Mason
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
Jackie Mason
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
Jackie Mason