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There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones.

Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason
Age: 93 †
Born: 1928
Born: June 9
Died: 2021
Died: July 24
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Rabbi
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Sheboygan
Wisconsin
Yacov Moshe Hakohen Maza
Democratic
Republican
Ones
Schmucks

More quotes by Jackie Mason

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Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me.
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It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
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I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.
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Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .
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Prostitutes go to jail. Their customers go home and read the New York Times. In this country you're allowed to buy anything. If you need a shirt, you have a right to buy it. If you need sex, you don't. What's more important, sex or a shirt?
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The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner.
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I always thought music was more important than sex—then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.
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Predictions are preposterous. What usually happens is that people tell you that what they'd like to see happen instead of what they really think will happen. There are so many variations and possibilities that there's no way to ever really know for certain.
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I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason
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My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
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America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
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I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
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I've found that my humor goes over big in London.
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Truthfully, with the Republicans, I don't see that much wrong with them.
Jackie Mason
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Predictions are preposterous.
Jackie Mason
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Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason
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Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his.
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Hillary Clinton's life has been filled with corruption but nobody cares.
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By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting in whose name in whose strength in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?
Jackie Mason
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Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do.
Jackie Mason